The more I think about b-school, applications, the admissions process, etc. the more I find myself wondering if I'm really good enough to get in to a top ten program or if I'm only kidding myself. I've never really doubted my abilities in the past, yet for some reason b-school has flipped on the self-doubt switch. I didn't go to an Ivy League school. I've managed money, but I've never managed people. I don't think of myself as a particularly creative writer, so essay anxiety is already starting. Maybe I've been spending too much time reading the BW forums, where everyone seems to have off the chart stats and the "admissions consultants" seem to feed the doubt in order to drive their business. I can see how the forums will become addictive and I need to find alternative, less negative outlets for the nervous energy that comes with this journey.
I had a great discussion with my manager yesterday. We meet one-on-one at least once a month, if not twice, to discuss my development. He gave me some great feedback on the short term goals & improvements I've made and then we started talking about long term goals/path to a promotion. I mentioned that I'd be adding a new wrinkle to consider because I will be applying to b-school in the fall. Very scary moment, laying it out there, waiting for his reaction. He was so positive about it, volunteering himself to write "great" recommendations. I didn't even have to ask. He even volunteered me to proofread them for him since he is not a native English speaker. He's considered b-school in the past and we found out that we scored the same on the GMAT. Funny, all that stress about his reaction for nothing. I should probably apply that lesson to my other b-school related doubts & stress. Not that I should allow myself to become complacent, but I definitely shouldn't get so wound up that it cuts into my beauty sleep.
Check off securing recommendations from the to-do list. Current manager & former manager are both on board!